what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
