Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize