I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
