I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
