do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
