oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
