I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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