Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
