just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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