Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
