You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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