Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
