perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
