talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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