Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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