Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize