I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
