I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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