Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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