Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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