i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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