if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
