Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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