a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize