We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We are all done wearing pants today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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