Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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