i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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