That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize