I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
