apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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