Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
