Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
