Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
