Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize