peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
