my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want to make out with him forever
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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