Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize