One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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