you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
