so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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