Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
