She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
