the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Everything about him screamed your future.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
