Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
