I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
