I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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