I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
