he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
