oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
