My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
