Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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