Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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