please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
