you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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