Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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