You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
