smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
