I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
