Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize