I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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