operation harelip BJ is a go
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
