he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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