1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize