So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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