I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
