Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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