i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
