ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
