remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize