I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
