We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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