I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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